Banished Hybrid

Character backstories and generic information, such as height, weight, and appearance, for Houcm characters are here. There is only one Houcm character per account. If your char was not made/born in Houcm, please explain how xe got there.
Marcelle
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Banished Hybrid

Post by Marcelle » Fri Aug 12, 2011 3:12 pm

Character
Creator of Marcelle: "Marcelle is a lilith-vampire hybrid that was created around... (I was a little drunk when I created her so, umm, how does the year 3877 work?) 3877. This unique hybrid was created after a series of trials and errors. The first trial started by simply mashing together a lilith and vampire, and it ended in a bloody mess. The next trial was to fuse both creatures using a matter teleporter pod and putting both creatures in opposite pods. It ended horrifically, I lost two groups of intellectual people. Trial three used the means of magic to simply fuse the creatures themselves. It was the same as trial two except I lost my pet doggy. Trial four used a combination of both magic and technology to create an embryo by fusing the genetic make up of a vampire and lilith and causing it to go through mitosis. Thus, Marcelle was born. Now I was power-hungry and I wanted the small child to be ready, SO I RAPIDLY ACCELERATED HER BODY ALONG WITH HER MIND AND MADE THE CHILD A 23 YEAR OLD WITH THE MIND OF THE CRAZY BASTARD WHO CREATED HER!!!!!"

Notes from the Creator of Marcelle: [The hybrid was created to do one thing, seduce and kill all type of life that she was "programmed to kill". That basically means enemies and people who don't pose a threat. Because of this she was banished from her world through a means of both technology and magic. Marcelle was created where magic was beginning to rise in an extremely advanced technological world, where the person who created Marcelle used a combination of both. In order to keep a steady portal in which to send the unstable hybrid, they needed the aid of both magic and machine thus creating the Chronos Bracelet Portal. Marcelle came to Houcm roughly 100 years ago but when she came through the portal, she got in an incident where she was buried a 100 feet underground right after hitting her head causing her to fall asleep. Marcelle was made to be perfect physically and mentally. She knows how minds work and tries to pick on its one weakness, lust. She uses her body to seduce her target of choice or entire groups altogether. Anyways, once she sees a drop in the opponents defenses she strikes by using any means necessary to kill her opponent. Marcelle's age is 200 years old but she is retaining the look of a 23 year old due to the way she was created.]

Personality
Continue of Notes: [Marcelle stated as above, was made to basically kill all sentient life. The full reason for this was that when she was created, she was created with an abnormally high metabolism and with a psychological problem that makes it that she must devour the life she kills after she takes it NOTE NOTE: (Good thing I never had such a mental illness ahahahaha :D) In other words, she is a sadistic bitch and once she kills an opponent or innocent character she will proceed to devour its insides. If she is really hungry she'll devour the person or creature whole. When she hit her head when coming to Houcm, her mind began to reverse certain thinking patterns within her causing her to not devour an opponent who she feels is on equal level with them also it seems she has adopted some since of being motherly, often caring for kids who are lost and cross her path or taking care of baby animals. Unfortunately (not really I like this about her :)) she has become a bit of an airhead. Despite being incredibly smart, she has moments where she doesn't show it....scratch that it's most of the time where she doesn't show it and often says or does the weirdest stuff that doesn't fit the situation.]

Known Abilities
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NOTES!!!: [Marcelle is known to be able to drain entire creatures twice her size of bodily fluids, leaving trails of gore and empty bodies in her wake, and control over wildlife. It hasn't been confirmed what she does because of how no one ever comes back alive to say.]

Looks
Several Dead Scientists Later and More Notes: [Marcelle looks exactly like avatar picture but due to certain events, her clothing has become torn and she must resort to her secondary clothing (hehehehe :D). Marcelle stands at 5'11" and weighs at 130 lbs. (I know this because i installed a camera feed that transmits all of what is going on in front of her to me ahahahaha im an evil bastage :))
Last edited by Marcelle on Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:43 am, edited 4 times in total.
You should be thankful that when I devour your body, it will be in a place where all things must go so don't worry your friends will be joining you as well!!!

I Cant Let You Go!
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Dycedarg
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Post by Dycedarg » Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:11 pm

Lol, that's not a Mary Sue . . . The whole part about seducing whoever she wants is just what many Mary Sues do, but a Mary Sue is an idealistic representation of yourself. Unless you want to be an ariheaded, female, slutty, sadistic, bitchy, manufactured vamp-lilith, she's not a Mary Sue. XD
Anyway, you should specify when(-ish) she was supposedly made, as well as how. Also, being sent here by "a means of both technology and magic" is not specific at all.
Oh, and lust isn't the mind's only weakness, you know?

Then, how do people know that she controls wildlife? xD

Oh, boy . . . This should be good. XD

Marcelle
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Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:52 pm
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Post by Marcelle » Sat Aug 13, 2011 12:54 am

Well ill be taking out the Mary Sue part heh :)

And yeah i was thinking about it when i was out and umm basically ill specify the teleportation means as well

Yes i do know that but i cant always reveal which weaknesses all my characters pick on now can i? ;)

She knows because she was created to do so, this is on the point of view on the person who created her as well as some added stuff by an unknown third party :D
You should be thankful that when I devour your body, it will be in a place where all things must go so don't worry your friends will be joining you as well!!!

I Cant Let You Go!
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Dycedarg
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Post by Dycedarg » Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:02 am

Okay, let me know when you have. ^^

Aha. Odd way to do a bio, but okay. xD
"I am the Almagest, and I am the Divine Conqueror! Only I am fit to rule!"

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Dycedarg
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Post by Dycedarg » Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:27 am

1) Exactly how was she made?
2) How about you use color codes or something to show who's speaking at which parts? xD
"I am the Almagest, and I am the Divine Conqueror! Only I am fit to rule!"

Why I Do Things

Rising to Vainglory

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Tixxi Eldixac
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Post by Tixxi Eldixac » Sat Aug 13, 2011 3:27 am

Okay, here goes . . .
Any more than three periods in a row is an extended ellipsis, which is not real English. It's really not a big deal, but, if you were writing a paper, I wouldn't want you to expect any respectable teacher to accept any more than three in a row, especially since even ellipses aren't recognized as formal writing. Additionally, you should always have a space after an ellipsis, just like a period.
"created her so umm how does the year 3877 work?" should have commas around "umm."
"This unique hybrid" The bastard knows about Houcm's existence, but doesn't know that therre are other lilith-vamps. Brilliant? XD
"The first trial started by simply mashing together a lilith and vampire, it ended in a bloody mess." This sentence and all like it are compound sentences; just a comma doesn't work. You need either a conjunction (and, or, but, so) after the comma or a semicolon in place of the comma.
"Next trial was to fuse both creatures using a matter teleporter pod and putting both creatures in opposite pods, it ended horrifically, lost two groups of intellectual people." The sentence should start with "The." The first comma should be a period, with "it" getting capitalized as the start of a new sentence. After "horifically," see the above note. You also need a subject in "lost two groups of intellectual people," namely "I" or "we." Finally, how is it a group? You tried to mix several vamps and several liliths into one hybrid?
"Trial three used the means of magic to simply fuse the creatures themselves, same as trial 2 except I lost my pet doggy." See the above note, and the second part needs a subject in either case. Also, numbers below twenty/ten (depends on who's grading you) should always be spelled out. Here, it's a minor nit-pick that can readily be overlooked.
"genetic make up" Hyphenate "make up."
"of a vampire and lilith and causing it to go through mitosis and thus Marcelle was born." You have two "and"s. An easy fix would be to replace the second with a period and start the new sentence with "Thus." Additionally, "thus" is an interjection in this context, so it needs to be followed by a comma.
"Now I was power hungry and I wanted the small child to be ready NOW!! SO I RAPIDLY ACCELERATED HER BODY ALONG WITH HER MIND AND MADE THE CHILD A 23 YEAR OLD WITH THE MIND OF THE CRAZY BASTARD WHO CREATED HER!!!!!" Hahaha . . . The adjective phrase, "power hungry," requires hyphenation. You can't start a sentence with a conjunction (namely "SO," in this case), so either replace the double exclamation with a comma or take out "SO."

"The hybrid was created to do one thing, seduce and kill all type of life that she was "programmed to kill"." After "one thing," you need a colon. Put the period at the end before the ending quotation mark. They changed the rules on quotation marks a few years ago, so they pretty much ALWAYS encompass ending punctuation. It just looks odd to do that, but we gotta' get used to it...
"That basically means enemies and people who don't pose a threat." = everyone? Why not just say "everyone?"
Because of this she was banished from her world through a means of both technology and magic.
"steady portal in which to send" Subtract "in which."
"needed the aid of both magic and machine thus creating the Chronos Bracelet Portal." Insert a comma after "magic and machine." Will the source of the term, "Chronos Bracelet Portal" be revealed later?
"100 years ago but when she came through the portal, she got in an incident where she was buried a 100 feet underground right after hitting her head causing her to fall asleep." Put a comma after "100 years ago" and "hitting her head." Subtract "a" from before "100 feet underground;" you don't say "a one-hundred." you could replace the "100" with "hundred." Will this incident be later detailed? Also, she just slept for 100 years?
"pick on its one weakness, lust." You should say that she picks on her favorite of its weaknesses, lust, since she knows that there are more than one.
"200 years old but she is retaining the look of a 23 year old due to the way she was created." Insert a comma after "years old." This next part is optional (and may be accompanied later by one of my many rants on the laziness of people): Put a "that" before "she was created."

*Continuation of Notes*
"Marcelle stated as above, was made to basically kill all sentient life." You mean, "Marcelle, as stated above, was made to kill all sentient life."
"problem that makes it that she must devour the life she kills after she takes it" Devour the life that she kills . . . after she takes it . . . Taking life = killing . . . Care to rephrase?
"NOTE NOTE: (Good thing I never had such a mental illness ahahahaha :D)" Eh . . . What is this? owo
"or innocent character she will proceed to devour its insides." Put a comma after "character."
"thinking patterns within her causing her to not devour an opponent who she feels is on equal level with them also it seems she has adopted some since of being motherly, often caring for kids who are lost and cross her path or taking care of baby animals." Put a comma after "within her." Did you mean, "on an equal level with her," not "them?" After that, you need a period for a new sentence. Can I get a "that" after "seems?" "since" should be "sense."
"Unfortunately (not really I like this about her :))" If that's OOC, it should be in double parentheses, because single parentheses imply that it's still the notes, which would mean that the scientist is saying that it's unfortunate, then contradicting himself . . . In any case, you need a comma afterward, as "Unfortunately" is an interjection.
"show it....scratch" See the above note on ellipses. Also, "scratch" requires capitalization; it starts a new sentence.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NOTES!!!: [Marcelle is known to be able to drain entire creatures twice her size of bodily fluids, leaving trails of gore and empty bodies in her wake, and control over wildlife. It hasn't been confirmed what she does because of how no one ever comes back alive to say.]" Um, wouldn't these notes be the confirmation . . .? "and control over life" doesn't fit because . . . you don't have "she has" in there; you have "is known to be able to." If you take out the part before the conjunction, you have "Marcelle is known to be able to control over wildlife." You can see that it's a simple error with an easy fix. The next sentence is just . . . wrong. "It hasn't been confirmed what she does" should be "What she does hasn't been confirmed" and "because of how" should just be "because."

"Several Dead Scientists Later and More Notes: [Marcelle looks exactly like avatar picture but due to certain events, her clothing has become torn and she must resort to her secondary clothing (hehehehe :D). Marcelle stands at 5'11" and weighs at 130 lbs. (I know this because i installed a camera feed that transmits all of what is going on in front of her to me ahahahaha im an evil bastage :))" Erm, avatar? If this is taken from the notes of the professor . . . Logic = no. NOT ANOTHER TALL-ASS BIT- Ahem. Sorry. All of Bill's bitches are monsters . . . Anyway, "i" should be capitalized, "im" should be "I'm," and you need periods after "me" and "bastage." Oh, and you never put in your closing bracket.

Marcelle
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Posts in topic: 5
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:52 pm
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Post by Marcelle » Sat Aug 13, 2011 12:15 pm

O_O.........>_> Tell you what I'll just copy all of that and paste it onto something, then from there ill make the edits cuz damn.....Just damn. And yeah sorry if i dont make pedo sized women ahahahaha :)
You should be thankful that when I devour your body, it will be in a place where all things must go so don't worry your friends will be joining you as well!!!

I Cant Let You Go!
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K
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Post by K » Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:07 pm

Lmao! Pedo-sized? Are my girls- Actually, yeah, Learpabru kinda' is... -facedesk- ROFLMFAO!
Resolute Myth
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Grey Ultima
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Marcelle
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Posts in topic: 5
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:52 pm
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Post by Marcelle » Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:40 pm

But dont worry i love the lollies :) Oi they're so mature yet physically cute, the perfect combinations +slurp slurp+
You should be thankful that when I devour your body, it will be in a place where all things must go so don't worry your friends will be joining you as well!!!

I Cant Let You Go!
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Queen of the Dark Lord
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K
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Post by K » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:02 am

You crack me up.
Resolute Myth
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Marcelle
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Posts in topic: 5
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:52 pm
Guild:

Post by Marcelle » Sun Aug 14, 2011 1:15 am

I try my best my brother :)
You should be thankful that when I devour your body, it will be in a place where all things must go so don't worry your friends will be joining you as well!!!

I Cant Let You Go!
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Queen of the Dark Lord
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