First, the immunity to CH damage is not going to fly. If you have some ability that gives you, say, between 5 and 30% resistance to chakra reductions (excluding your abilities' costs), that's okay, but total immunity to non-cost CH reductions is a bit much to start out with. Sure, damage to mana and chakra are far less common than damage to HE or TD, but total immunity right out of the box is out of the question.
Okay, your stats and parameters appear to even out, which is good, but your elemental issues throw things off again. I'm assuming that "all" elements refers to the typical, eight-part system of fire, ice, lightning, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, in which case you have six 5% vulnerabilities, one 70% problem, and one at -200% (Immunity would be -100%. If it's full absorption, that's -200%.), which brings you to -100%. That's the same as having fair stats and parameters, then adding one immunity for free. Sure, that doesn't sound so significant, because you can pick up all sorts of equipment that can give you elemental resistances, immunities, and absorptions very easily (I mean, sheesh, you can grab a good shield or ring that absorbs fire for less than a hundred bucks at half the shops.), but that's
equipment, which means that it can be damaged, destroyed, stolen, or otherwise lost, and you may just forgo equipping it because you have something to use that's better in other ways. It's different when it's a part of the character's defaults.
Anyway, to make the math come out right, you can reduce your elemental resistances further and/or adjust your stats and parameters to make room.
MS is calculated as the mean, or average, of all relevant factors. Add up his capabilities to focus, to retain focus under differing circumstances, to calculate, to reason, to plan, to know intuitively, to coordinate, to memorize, to retain memory over long periods, and other such measures of intelligence, and divide the result by the number of calculated terms, in a similar manner to the methods that are presently employed in real-world "intelligence quotient" (IQ) tests. Obviously, I don't expect you to find or make up an IQ test and
take it as your character would if he were real. I expect you to fake the math. Rather than actually calculating such values into some standardized form that is presumptuous, limited, and more subjective than many people will admit, just relatively estimate how smart your character is in each area and
give me the relative value that expresses what it all evens out to.
If your character has a very noteworthy difference in separate areas of intellect (e.g. able to focus, coordinate, and calculate very well, but not very bright at memorizing, long-term remembering, or reasoning; compare
idiot savant as a generic term for individuals who exhibit minds similarly to savant syndrome, then compare actual
savant syndrome and the more generic term to a more well-rounded genius, a well-rounded, normal individual, and a well-rounded dumbass), you may distinguish this in his bio, but only the
overall composition of his mental state is considered when comparing stats and parameters.
As for the allies, I'm not sure how you intend to do this, so, before we mess with stat and parameter calculations any more, let's lay it all out.
Are Louise, Rudolf, and their girl friend going to all be controlled by this one account?
No. > If two are, but not the other, you make another account for the other character. Then, adjust Louise's stats and parameters down to allow for the character that will be on this account, which you will make in Louise's Allies thread.
Yes. > Are they meant to each be 1/3rd of a char, is Louise the main part with the other two being weaker subsidiaries to him, or is it something in between, such as Louise and Rudolf being two equal parts of the char and the girl being a weaker part that is just enough to bring the total to a full char, or what?
> Yeah, Louise is the main dudebro, and the other dudebros are just the dudebro's dudebros. > Okay, then you make the other dudebros in Louise's Allies thread, tone Louise down so that it's fair for them to all be running together, and it's done.
> They're three halves of a whole idiot! > Three ha- You know, I'm not even gonna' go there. Well, you could pick one of them (like Louise) to use as the representative for the three, put the other two in his Allies, but state that their stats and parameters are expressed in the same manner as a full char, not on the ally scale, and have them all be toned down enough that they're each half- Damnit! Now, you've got me doing it. -a third of a char. The alternative is the "team" option, in which you have a single thread for all three bios, a single thread for all three ability lists, and a single thread for all three inventories.
> Two of them are equal parts of the char, and the third is just an ally. > Odd, but okay. You can either go with the team setup and just have the third one toned way down so that they all still total to one full char, or you can have a team of the better two with the weakling in their Allies thread.
> Naw, man. It's some freaky shit like, uh, Louise is 40%, Rudolf is 32%, and the chick is 28% of the char, in terms of their stats, parameters, and stuff. > Uh . . . Damn. Well, okay . . . I guess that the team option would probably fit best, or else you'd just pick the biggest of the three (in this case, Louise) as the representative of them and throw the other two into an Allies thread. Weirdo.
20 meters is a bit much. If you're getting total immunity to TD right out of the proverbial box, it's got to at least be situational to the extent of two chars being within, like, I dunno', 3 meters of one another. That way, if someone relies heavily on TD, they at least have the option of knocking the two of you far enough apart that xe can land a good hit or two before you go all invincibru and shit.
The clones sound much better. Now, they spawn without weapons, right? They'll be using unarmed attacks at halved power? That sounds fair. If you add weapons to them, well, we'll have to see what kind of weaps you add, then we may need more edits.
World of Hatred: Better. It needs some rephrasing, but it's better.
I've said quite a few times that "per battle" limits don't usually make much sense, but it's okay for a spell/jutsu/whatever to just magically "know" when you are and aren't in battle, when you have or haven't yet used it in this battle, and stuff like that simply built into the ability, once in a while. What explanation are you applying here? Given its design, you may actually consider changing it to a more simplistic time limit, such as, uh, once per twelve hours or something.
This works until you're KOd, huh? What if you're not? If you win the battle, is the effect going to keep adding up on the target while xe is unconscious until xe's a mindless, powerful threat that someone will have to beat down to stop from causing serious damage, in which case the effect will
still continue until you just happen to get KOd by something? If the target becomes so addled while unconscious that xe becomes unable to tell a friend what happened so that the friend can seek you out and beat you down, what happens? What if the battle ends elsewise, like it's interrupted or has a non-KO win condition? Do these situations lead up to a character being entirely ruined by brainlessness until you happen to be defeated? You say that the effect can't be removed by anyone but Louise, but I don't see any purifications or dispulsions in this list, so is the capability to cancel it just
built into the jutsu, or is it
only removed by your unconsciousness?
Now, I'm going to direct you to the 11th post of
Clarification, by Tixxi, which describes the assumed properties of purifications and dispulsions. Note that this information will be moved elsewhere, pending the completion of another thread that I've been planning. Anyway, just how much is this jutsu unable to be dispelled? Noah can't just cast Harmony or Dispel, Choh and Dycedarg can't just use their versions of Crackdown, and other basic dispulsions won't work? Sure, fine. What if Crevasseus and Noah both learn Twincast, are each Lv3, and twincast up some "Expulsion by Eruption," dealing some fire/earth damage with an amazing KB factor and very high dispulsion effect? Is this jutsu going to react by saying, "Ah, well, fuck. I guess that I'm getting dispelled, now. Serious shit, that. Laterz," or is it going to be all, "lolnope," because Noah and Crevasseus are not Louise? Plus, this can be considered as a negative or neutral effect, in a way, so are we putting the same limits on purifications as dispulsions, will one removal method work better than another, or, uh, just what are we talking about, here? Give me an idea of just how hard this is to remove.
Redesign idea: You want to have this only active against one enemy at a time, right? Well, you could have cooldown and duration periods that are the same (If you can only cast it once every twelve hours and it works for twelve hours at a time, it only works on one enemy at a time, right? Well, by default, yes . . .), or you could just have a duration and a statement that it can't be cast as long as it is still operative on someone else. There are upshots and downsides to each.
> If it simply can't be cast as long as it's already active
and you have the ability to cancel it whenever you want, that pretty much solves the issue of super-addling while still allowing that ridiculous "until user is KOd" duration because, practically speaking, you are not going to semi-permanently disable one of your spells just to make sure that one enemy has xir mind semi-permanently screwed over.
> If it has a temporal duration and cooldown of the same length, it again solves things by just working on one enemy and working temporarily
regardless of battle outcome, but allows for further complications, which can be good or bad. If the opponent has Spellbound (the status or passive ability from FFTA2:GotR), the duration is multiplied by 1.5 on that opponent, meaning that you could potentially cast it on someone else while the first foe is still suffering. The same applies to anything else that is done to expand durations, and the cooldown length can also be reduced by other abilities and stuff. All sorts of time-meddling likewise can be used for or against this: If you're slowed, the opponent will break free before your cooldown is over. If you're hastened, you get through your cooldown while an opponent is still screwed. If the opponent is hastened or slowed, invert that, but also influence the effectiveness of the jutsu accordingly because it's a detriment over
time (Duh, right?). Maybe you and a buddy just had a friendly spar, so he can tie himself and hasten himself to hurry up and get the confusion, madness, and derpiness over with without being harmful, but, then, if you have "
or until user is KOd" as an alternative length and you were really his droogie, you'd let him just smack you down to end it immediately.
Either redesign has merits. The current design can work, but needs some clarifications and possible cost adjustments.
Cloaking: Okay, spend a little CH to become invisible for seventy seconds. No biggie. Give me some details, though: We're just talking about naked sight visibility, right, or is there more to this? What do you mean about movement hindering this? Is it a camouflage effect that has to adapt to surroundings on the fly, does the magic assign itself to your location and have to perpetually update with you moving (which could result in a flickering, wispy, or faded effect, or perhaps a combination, as you move), or what?
Mindbreak: Okay, cool. It depletes a target's MS by 10% of their maximum for 10 seconds at a cost of 10% of your original MA. Simple enough. What's the animation? Like, do you just land a physical blow with this effect in stead of damage, do you shoot something, do you cast some sort of aura at my position, or what?
By the way, illusion jutsu ("Jutsu" literally means "technique" in Japanese, but it often refers to ninja techniques that spend chakra for effects, making them much like spells that cost mana.) is called "genjutsu," so you could entitle your skillset as that, if you want to make it sound cooler.
CH Damage: You deal some damage to CH with every unarmed, phy attack? Sweet! Give me an idea of the power factor, though. Since this is a free, passive ability (Remember what I said about clones with abilities? This is exactly what had me worried. It's good that you fixed that.), I'm thinking that making it like this is appropriate, but you tell me what you had in mind:
"Unarmed, physical attacks from Louise have 10% of their power copied to deal chakra damage, too. The normal damage to HE and TD is unchanged, but the foe takes a much smaller hit to CH, as well."
Reverse Flame: I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well, for one, I should state that "exclusive" fires (You know what I'm referring to with that, right?) will be unaffected by this.
Now, isn't this superfluous with your ability to absorb fire? Then again, if someone shoots a stream of fire at you without scanning to learn your weaknesses, you could control it to shoot back at them, and they could say, "Aha! Look at how much he didn't want to get hit by that: He had to control it to come back! He probably has a weakness to fire. I should take five seconds to charge up my Immolation Striker 4,000 shot, then really stick it to him because there's no way that he can control my ball to come back at me," so they waste a bunch of time, then shoot an attack that just heals you, much to their dismay . . . Humorous though that may be, isn't it still an odd niche ability? I mean, hey, if that's what you're trying for, that's fine, I guess.
That brings me to the next question: You say that this works on "any" fire magic, but how literally am I supposed to take this? If I pick up a massive volcano and pour it onto you like a teapot, are you going to be able to just look at it and watch the entire lava flow fly through the sky to land on me? If I target your area to have flames spontaneously conjure, with the central point being the core of your body, can you just know about this as I'm about to cast it, then redirect it to be cast on the area right next to me so that my ally and I get hit? Just
how does this ability work?
Is this for free, regardless of how much you get to manipulate and for how long? If I shoot a huge fireball at you, can you just repurpose it as a flying flame-shield to block all my other projectiles . . . for free?
Heavy Punch: 2/4 is the same as 1/2. You don't state a charge length, so are you just saying that you have to pay the cost as you perform it, then also take recoil damage? That's 4% CH, 10% HE, and 5% TD (How does that work? Are you sacrificing bodily fluids or something?) just for a 1/5 boost to damage and a 1/2 boost to KB on a punch. That seems to be awfully overcosted.
Fireball is just too weak. You get a bigger area as it travels, but at the cost of its power? Fine. You start with low power, though, its range is pretty insignificant, its ATKSPD is nothing special (I recommend either refraining from stating the ATKSPD, in which case it's assumed to be average, or just expressing it as a relative term. When you express it as a numeric value of distance per time, you pretty strictly limit yourself, and you've also shown that you tend to either go too fast or too slow when you do that.), and its cost is only fitting if you're shooting at point-blank range so that you get the full power. This spell is what one would expect from a generic mage monster, and then you give it a cooldown, anyway.
Fire Cloak is also almost useless. You may stop some baknamy that have a sense of self-preservation, and, well, some goblins are retarded enough to kill themselves while still hurting you, but many characters will not give one rat's ass about the fire and will happily tank through to smack you down while you're unable to retaliate at all. Yeah, you'll deter Choh, until she gets flame-absorbing armor . . . from melee attacks, so she'll just hit hard from afar. Noah is able to literally walk up to you and choke you while you do this; you'd be handing him the battle on a silver platter. In fact, just about any ranged units will be gleeful to see you use this, because it's a free attacking period. Even if you can out-heal everything that they throw at you during this time, you're spending lots of mana/chakra to do so, so we're quickly depleting your resources without worrying about our own health.
Mini-Suicider: That's actually pretty cool, and I love the classic FFT Bomb art. It's pretty cool, and it's pretty useless. All that mana for two hand grenades in fire damage? It's magical, fire damage, right? Okay, so Choh would be irked if she managed to let herself get hit, but that's about it. It's a cute, but overpriced way to deal with some generic enemies that are weak to fire, I guess.
Ice Shard: Okay, this started to look fine, but machine gun-like rapid fire sets this over the top. You can just unload 12 into another char's face at a rather intense speed, and, on average, you'd have a free KO for 60% of your MA. Okay, yeah, any half-serious character should have put up some sort of protection or something, but that doesn't excuse the fact that this means free KOs against plenty of chars and still cheap damage against others.
Ice Creation is fine. I mean, I assume that the resultant weapons/ammo have average power factors and deal ice-elemental damage, so you don't need to state that, and it's not like you can turn a great profit from this because you could either lie to people and say that they won't melt, in which case people will discover your fraud and make you face consequences, or they just won't buy them because only an idiot would buy a melting weapon that doesn't have anything special to it.
Thunder Step: No. Absolutely not. Thunder is just the resultant sound of lightning, so it travels at the speed of sound, which is 761.207051 mph at sea level. Half of that is still unfairly fast. Worse yet, if you meant to go at half the speed of lightning, that's around 224,000 mph for the "typical" bolt, depending on conditions, so 112,000 mph for you. That kind of speed is also regarded as "OMGLOLWTGDAIRYQUEEN," so it's not a thing unless you're cool with your legs literally ripping themselves off your pelvic region.
Electric Shock: When an ability is described this way, I can't approve it because it's really unclear. I mean, feel free to keep the humorous quip in there, and you can state utility uses for it, if you want, but, you know, I need to know how strongly you're shocking stuff. Rather than keeping to the format that you've currently established, I would put it this way:
"Louise can channel lightning from his hands for electric, magical damage at a slightly reduced cost over time."
You don't need to say the size of something that he can shock, you don't need a numeric value for the cost per second, and you don't need to say anything else that's obvious unless you want to. I have a power factor (assumed as "average" because it's not stated) and a cost (slightly reduced because it works by hand contact only, no capacity to shoot, not even capacity to channel from the rest of the body, nor anything else), I have the stat calculations (magical damage = MAG versus RES unless otherwise stated), I have the elemental affinity (Gee, I wonder.), and I know the secondary effects (none, unless you count sporadic disruption of the nervous system, which is hindered by the target's RES), so I have all the basics for an ability in one sentence.
Earth Wall: Um . . . It's not fair for this wall to just be randomly immune to any bullets and any throws, and its durability is . . . questionable, so how about I rephrase it according to what it looks like you were going for, minus the, er, extras?
"With a sudden movement of contact with the ground, such as a stomp, pound, or poke, Louise can form some of the ground within [X range] into a 2x2x0.3-meter wall with boosted durability."
You still have the same ability, but the dimensions of the wall are more clearly expressed in width by height by depth, the "durability" refers to its defenses against physical and magical attacks, and "boosted" ("upgraded," "raised," "heightened," or whatever else you want to put for it) simply puts that at "above average compared to what it was before I formed it into a wall." The only thing that you're missing is a limiter on the range. That being said, even though this is a pretty good defense move that works immediately, I think that it's a bit overcosted. The thing about defensive abilities is that, on their own, they can only make you lose more slowly, not make you win, so they tend to come at pretty good cost efficiency to make up for it. Give it a reasonable range, and you can drop the mana cost a bit.
Earth Armor: I'm not going to say much about this because I'll have to recalculate, anyway. This needs revisions for a few reasons:
- Immunity to thrown weapons is silly. It's really hard to make sense of that. It's even harder to make a distinction between a "small weapon throw," a stone's throw, a large weapon throw, or other physical projectiles, in addition to the initial confusion of separating one kind of physical attack from the rest like that. I mean, if you really want to hit just that type of attack for some strange reason, you can because it's magic, but you have to put the effort into getting specific with it.
- "Any below average physical attacks" is very ambiguous. If I have "below average" STR, does that mean that none of my standard, phy attacks work on you at all? If I boost my STR or use a special attack that hits harder, that will work, though, right? Likewise, if I have "average" STR, but I use an attack that doesn't hit as hard (so, plenty of abilities plus every quick kick or jab, only my more "full power" attacks being allowed through), they don't work on you? We have to calculate whether something is enough to damage you for every boost when we're starting at an even lower STR, right? If we're at a higher Level than you, our "below average" is a lot higher than yours, so I assume that attacks from higher-Level opponents won't have an issue unless their original STR is particularly low . . . Where do we draw the line?
- Going on the previous point, this should be more of a stat adjustment deal. It boosts your DEF? Great. RES, too? Cool. Messes with your elemental resistances by + this, - that, whatever? Sure. Has a drawback, like slowing you down? Savvy. When it just takes certain attacks and says "no," though, that's more in the line of some kind of ethereal armor of hocus pocus haberdashery for some niche damage denial, not much of an earthen armor thing. If it's a stat adjustment thing, it's easy to figure out in all circumstances. The whole "protects against this" deal that you have going leaves a lot of ambiguity. If our attacks are not small weapon throws and are not physical attacks of below average strength, does the armor do nothing against them? That's what I have to assume, when you phrase it the way that you did.
I don't mind if someone breaks themes here and there (I love fires that heal, wind that binds, and such like that.), and I'm not telling you how to design your char, but I'm saying that an armor mod spell makes a lot more sense when it adjusts stats and possibly some other stuff, whereas your description just causes us to play a lot of guesswork as to what it allows, what it denies, and what happens when it allows or denies something.
Air Cutter: Does this count like two attacks, one being the high-pressure wind and the next being the chopping hand, or does the air just boost the chop? Is the chop stronger as a result, or is it just wind-elemental? What's going on, with this?
Breathless Air: Since different bodies rely on respiration to different degrees, I'd take out the amount and just say that you deprive an area around a target's respiratory orifices of most of the air, resulting in hindered respiration, which should hinder their PS.
Heal: I guess that it's fine, but I don't see why you want it to occur over 3 seconds. Many healing spells just work instantaneously.
Stone Armor (Really? Earth Armor and Stone Armor, but Stone Armor doesn't even have anything to do with stones?): Erm, no. Immunity to flinch factors is not okay. Protection against all attacks that have any flinch factor at all (in other words, you're invincible to almost every attack in existence) is extremely not okay. The physical damage reduction is irrelevant because there are almost no physical attacks at all that this doesn't give total protection against, unless you
only meant that it was protection against the flinch factors,
not entirely to the attacks that cause them, in which case it's still unfair because it's immunity to flinch factors. There's not much for me to work with, here.
Hah, yeah, smart phones are dumb. You should still consider doing as I said so that yours works better than it currently does, but working from your comp is obviously preferable.